Active Listening does not come naturally for many managers and leaders in the workplace. I even struggle, and I teach this! Those who master this skill build better relationships, find clarity, achieve goals, maximize potential, and develop superior problem-solving skills. For these reasons and several more, we as leaders and managers must enhance our listening skills.
Active Listening is the practice of truly listening and striving to understand, rather than simply responding. It involves using all of one's senses to fully engage with the speaker and create a connection. This includes being in the moment, asking open-ended questions, requesting clarification, summarizing, using good body language, and being self-aware.
In the workplace, effective Active Listening requires fundamental skills such as mirroring, validation, and empathizing. These 3 basic skills allow leaders to better align and understand another's point of view. Let's dive into them here:
Mirroring involves using phrases to align communication, while validation acknowledges and empathizes with the speaker's feelings.
To mirror someone in a conversation, trying using phrases like:
Mirroring is key in establishing communication alignment.
Validation is the recognition that the inner experience of the person you are speaking with is valid and makes sense from their perspective, even if it is different from your own. It does not require agreement, but rather acceptance of their unique experience and point of view.
To apply validation in a workplace conversation, try using phrases like:
Validation helps to articulate that you can see where someone is coming from and thereby fosters trust and connection.
Empathizing requires putting oneself in the speaker's shoes to gain a better understanding of their perspective.
To practice empathy during active listening, try these:
Empathy enables individuals to relate to others by trying to truly understand what it's like in their shoes.
Communication shows up in representational styles unique to each of us as humans. As humans, we communicate with visual, auditory, and Kinesthetic (Physiology/body language), as methods of transferring information and data.
Our brains think or create thoughts by receiving information through our senses and then relaying that information to the world around us. This is how we interpret inbound data and information and translate it into outbound beliefs, words, actions, and behaviors.
We "see" pictures, "hear" sounds, and "feel" sensations. Minor changes in physiology can provide clues to mindset. Measure minor modifications based on the standard norm. Decode the unspoken to understand more deeply what is outwardly communicated, determining criteria and not guessing. This is Active Listening at the core.
Per the JRCI Active Listening Process, your active listening should sound, look, and feel right to truly connect with the speaker. Although tasting this concept may not be possible, implementing these skills can improve communication and understanding in any setting.
Notice if any indications from the unconscious or conscious levels suggest they are receiving and connecting with your message as a manager or leader. Identify if communication is happening or simple words are spoken. Or if there may be resistance at some level.
This is useful in managerial training situations, company planning, one-on-one mentoring, and ensuring effective communications are landing as intended.
To communicate on the same wavelength as humans, use language that focuses on the other person's sense of choice.
When dealing with someone who places a high value on the visual, communicate in a manner rich in imagery and pictures. Reference details regarding how situations appear and look, reference what visual characteristics are striking, etc.
Example:
If this type of person were deciding on purchasing a new car, they would be more concerned with the lines, shape, and color of the vehicle. The concept of how they would look sitting behind the wheel is of far more value to them than how good the suspension is or what kind of stereo system..
The leadership and management communities universally agree upon 5 Fundamental Active Listening behaviors. Here we will explore those essential listening behaviors at a high level.
In the JRCI interpretation of these concepts, we add one more. Let's explore them below:
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1. |
Pay attention and acknowledge |
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2. |
Appropriately respond in a measured fashion |
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3. |
Provide relevant feedback |
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4. |
Demonstrate you are listening |
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5. |
Suspend judgement |
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6. |
Summarize and recap |
From this framework, let's dive deeper into the Active Listening deliverables all leaders must engage in to be successful.
Focusing on the moment and engaging with a speaker or communicator ensures success. It is difficult sometimes to focus in busy disruptive environments when listening. Often, shiny objects and "squirrels" get in the way. To focus on the moment requires a mindset of focusing and removing all distractions during the engagement.
Response and reaction do not always align with what is communicated. As leaders, we must be in alignment, which is sometimes tricky when emotions are involved. Active Listening demands your response be aligned intellectually and emotionally with the topic and the tone in which it is delivered. Difficult for many.
Providing feedback is critical for communication engagement, for the leader or manager, no doubt. Appropriate, relevant feedback is essential. Did you land at the main point of the interaction? If not, everyone loses. If you do, now we are on to something. This requires complete focus and attention, listening to all your senses, and caring about the engagement. How does it sound, look, and feel?
A simple facial expression, good eye contact, a nod, or a touch on the hand, demonstrates your engagement. A stoic face, stiff body language, and eyeball distance reflect and communicate a lack of Listening, which is significant.
To suspend judgment is key, and can be difficult for many listeners. Active Listening demands you not judge the inbound information or the individual communicating, especially if the information is critical personally, professionally, or organizationally.
Lastly, a simple recap demonstrating your engagement, understanding, and landing of the information is critical. Eliminating this step is problematic, and many do. The summary is just that, a recap to land the idea internally and externally to demonstrate clarity and understanding. There is no need yet for action, and many fail here. Listen to listen. The action comes later. Allow the communicator to be heard in the workplace, and better things will happen.
For many leaders, including myself, to take action, solve problems quickly, and move on is our norm. After all, that's what we do. Well, could you slow down a bit?!?
It's important to slow down and actively listen in order to fully engage and understand others, particularly in the workplace where Active Listening can make a significant difference in achieving superior results. I know this may see problematic in today's fast-paced, multi-tasking universe, and I maintain that this small detail of going a bit slower can make a significant difference.
I am often asked, "How do people achieve so much with the same twenty-four hours in the day that I have?" There is a lot to this answer. But the one item to me that stands out is, "The great leaders Actively Listen at a higher level, and they engage better, in turn earning superior results!" You know what to do.
The Sound
Active Listening sounding right is about speaking engagement. How is the outbound then translating to the inbound communication? What are the questions being asked? Why are they being asked? How does the cadence and flow of the interaction sound? What does the tone of voice indicate? Does the sound align with the feel and look? You get the idea. There is a correct sound too good communication.
The sound significantly impacts the look and feel of the communication engagement. The sound adds reaction to visual cues, emotions, and feelings. After all, if it does not feel good, as humans, we avoid discomfort.
The Look
Here we focus more on body language, the Physiology. The Active Listening concept examines the visual cues we contribute to the engagement. Eye contact is significant and demonstrates attention or lack thereof, and our facial movements contribute. A nod or shake of the head means two different things. Are you proactively aware and in control of this behavior? Our general body behavior tells the tale. Are you slumped or too stiff? What is attentive? Are you leaning in or leaning out? It all matters very much. How the engagement looks is equally important as how it sounds and feels.
The Feel
How Active Listening feels outbound and inbound matters the most in the workplace. As previously stated, how it sounds and looks significantly impacts human communication in the workplace. But how it feels seals or steals the deal. If the interaction feels wanky initially but lands nicely, we are satisfied and can move forward together. But when we end all wadded up, we get stuck.
It just feels wrong. Our human sense of emotion drives our fight-or-flight mechanism. Humans react with positive forward movement, get stuck in place, or regress to safety. The reaction is driven by how it feels, and I will prove it.
Have you ever said, "It all sounded so good, but in the end, it just doesn't feel right? It's the same old same old!" Or "Everything looked so good, but man, something just felt wrong?" Our internal senses are working to protect us, and this is called our RAS.
Even further, our RAS Reticular Activating System controls the human fight-or-flight behaviors, and our brain's Limbic system controls our emotional states.
Simply stated, when either of these systems detects irregularities, the brain protects itself from perceived dangers. The limbic demonstrates fear, rage, and anxiety, among other emotions. A quick science bit here to prove why - how it feels matters most. This is coming from a very non-science fellow.
If it does not compute, then we humans do not engage. It all begins with Active Listening to Understand. Not engaging without the best information and clarity is to fail as a manager and a leader. This requires leadership discipline and caring for others in the workplace. Your self-awareness and leadership presence skills are a must for your success. Remember: This is a journey, and it is not a destination. If and how you Actively Listening in the Workplace matters in your daily leadership and management.
I illustrated what Active Listening is, why it is essential in the workplace, and how to use it effectively. Now it is up to you to learn more, practice your Active Listening Skills, and continue your leadership and managerial journey.